The job search is certainly a roller coaster. You've applied and received an email for a phone interview. How exciting!

You used your best speaking voice and answered those screening questions well. The recruiter moves you forward to the next step in the process! You nailed the in-person interview and you know it. They were all smiles and it just felt right. You followed-up with a professional thank you email, and this job is all you can think about.

Then...

...a week goes by and you get an email from the company. "Thank you for applying... We regret to inform you that we have decided to move forward with another candidate who's qualifications" BLAH BLAH BLAH - you may not even read the rest.

You think to yourself, what happened - why not?! Immediately, you're tempted to reach out to the recruiter to ask for feedback.

It's normal to want to know why.

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However, here's why I don't recommend asking for feedback after a job rejection:

• Most recruiters and hiring managers won't respond to your request for feedback. I attribute this to two reasons: 1) No time to do it. You're likely not the only candidate asking for feedback. 2) Recruiters must be cautious with what they say as anything can be interpreted as discriminatory. The best way to avoid legal action is to not say anything at all. (I think this goes for most situations).
• IF you do get a response, I can bet you it's going to be incredibly vague. "You're just not a fit" or "we found someone with more qualifications". That feedback isn't enough to help you improve! It'll probably frustrate you even more. Quite frankly, they are trying to spare your feelings and/or keep themselves (and the company) out of jail. The real reason won't be shared with you, so whatever is provided likely won't help you in future interviews. All in all - there's not a lot of value in it.

• You could appear desperate. You'll want to remain positive even if the experience of how the "relationship" ended was terrible. I mean, they could have at least called you, right!? They broke up via text?! That's cold.

Calling them after the rejection email is unnecessary. They didn't even call you to tell you over the phone, so let it go.

The other side to this is if they do call. Getting this "rejection call" is usually a good indicator that the employer is a good one, especially if you've gotten pretty far in the interview process. Respond professionally and positively. Thank them for taking the time to call you, but don't ask why.

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*If the urge is killing you and you really must know - and you won't sleep at night until you ask, then politely go for it. You can say something like "Do you mind sharing what about my qualifications and interview led to this decision? Was I missing a skill?" or "Are you at liberty to share why I was not selected?"

There are probably a million blog articles with tips on "the right way" to ask for feedback after a job rejection and even though I don't recommend it, if you absolutely must ask - keep it short, simple, and sweet. Listen to their answer and whatever you do, don't try to change their mind! The decision has been made. Your professionalism will keep you in their pipeline for similar positions that may open up down the road. It's best not to burn bridges unnecessarily.

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Maybe there are scenarios in which it is okay, but I haven't come across many and I've been a Recruiter, Hiring Manager, and Job Applicant.

What has your experience been with this? Do you get detailed responses to your request for feedback? Share your experience in the comments below!

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